If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
