Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
