I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
