he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
