Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
