whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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