When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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