so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
