I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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