I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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