I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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