PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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