Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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