so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
