why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
