well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
