you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
