Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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