She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
