i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
