you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
