I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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