I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
