this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
