But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
