just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
