yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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