That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
