i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
