And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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