Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
