You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
