i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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