YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So here I am, sexting at work.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
