I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
