theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
