birth control should be required to get into college
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
