i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
