Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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