i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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