help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
