Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Found your dick twin last night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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