i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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