I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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