Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
