Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
