New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
