I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
