Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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