whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
