Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
