Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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