i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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