I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
