R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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