Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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